Vent (previously posted on BlackWomanLostandFound)

I’m good at what I do
I can make you feel good too
Let my light illuminate your dark days
and let my words soothe away your pain
but before you think my service is free
that my emotional support is a pit to eternity
I need you to get it right
the redemption of your soul aint my fight
And for all my good deeds
and shoulders weighed with burdens
I’m going to need some reciprocity
this is my 2 week notice
Selfish isn’t a trait that I take lightly
I’m the only one who hogs up my space
I take myself highly
So when I’m down in the dumps
you betcha its your turn
to dry the tears of this clown
and turn my frown upside down
consider this vent a warning
heed it well
because one day I wont be there in the morning
you will be alone to deal with your hell

The Darker Side Speaks

Hello world its me
the one she tries to keep quite
the one she confesses to at night
the one who knows how she really feels
I am that bitch who doesn’t care to be polite
and I’ve got something to say:

We don’t like you
she’s only being nice
we’ve never liked you
she trying to play the game right
but she’s gotten nothing for it
no prize, reward or relief
her inner thoughts have gotten morbid
from being nice and catching grief
so I’m here to say
what’s really on her mind
she cant stand your ignorant ass
and we wont give you anymore of our time
I feel better already
I think she does too
her thoughts aren’t so heavy
I even see a smile peaking through
I guess my job is done now
she wont let me speak for long
I’ll take my place in the back
until the next jackass comes along.

settling for less

when you settle for less
don't expect to get more
when you remain calm in the face of injustice
you comply with the jankyness of it all
I refuse to be ok
with your f-ed up ways
it aint right
and I wont stand for it
I am better than
I am above
because I climbed my way up
and educated myself up
and I refuse to settle for less

untitled

Pilates
got my body
going ooow
like Cameo
in an 80s video

untitled

hmmm
no words
to express the day that has begun
but has yet to start
heels dug deep
no no I don’t wanna go
everyday on the hamster wheel
blowing bubbles with my spit
salivating over a dream
deferred
updated
upgraded
and inflated
yeah I could think of a few places I’d rather be
guess I found the words after all

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore”

never before had the need been so great
never more had I needed you to be in this place
never wanted to be all that you need
never thought that I would want to follow, you lead
never could see myself being so open
never wanted my heart to get broken
never comfortable being on display
never wanted you to see me this way
but now things have changed
and my nevers are turning into forevers
and forever my needs you will fill
and forever in my space we can be still
and forever as you are I want to join
and forever we will be 2 sides of one coin
forever my feelings for you will be true
forever I’ll be painting rainbows for you
forever I’ll never be alone,
because forever your heart will be my home

*dedicated to the S.O.

restless

waking in a sweat
but I was never really asleep
rest ain’t the same
with something on my brain
I have something to do
but I cant remember what
and I cant sleep with vague thoughts of urgency
keeping me up
and when I’m awake
I can’t think
because I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be
but I don’t know what that is
or maybe I’m scared of what that should be
I can’t run fast enough
away from what I’m supposed to do
and I cant sleep long enough
to rest up for another fight
against what I know in my heart is right

priceless

if I had a dime for every time you said this love was all about me
if I had a dime for every time you said with this love we were complete
if I had a dime, but dimes don’t get me nothing now-a-days
nor does this love
and you aren’t giving me what I need
nor what I want
so like these dimes
and like this love
you are worthless
in my life

if I had a dime for every time I should have listened to my heart…

high strung

strung tight
nerves raw and swollen
my body is a migraine
and you are causing me pain
don’t speak
don’t look
don’t even think my way
snapping would be the supreme satisfaction
for a high strung bitch like me

qahweh

murky gray
angry black
I struggle to open my eyes
and tear myself away from the cozy hazy softness of my dream bed
but all is not lost
pour pour pour
dribble trickle plop
creamy beige mixing with dark coco black making mocha colored ecstasy
tear tear
white sprinkles of sugar cane
mix mix mix
pouring down
a thirsty throat
mmmm
mmmm
mmmm
yeah today will be a good day

frustrated

have you ever felt like the same ole fool celebrating a whole new year
have you ever felt like the goals that weren’t there last year are all the more clear,
but the skills to achieve them for you aren’t that near?
have you ever had a conversation that never seemed to end
have you ever had a thought that no one else could comprehend,
but still you try to convey it, scribing it on the walls hand permanently stuck to your pen?
have you ever had a feeling, felt some kind of way
have you ever wished you could act and make them feelings go away,
but you didn’t know what you were feeling and which should leave and which could stay?
have you ever wanted to be alone, but share your time with a friend
have you ever looked around and saw that you were surrounded in the end,
but still didn’t have someone to call your own, no friend, no homie no lover even then?
have you ever felt frustrated by everything around you
have you ever discovered the cause was all about you,
but just didn’t know what to do?